When dealing with a loved ones’ health a lot of difficult conversations can arise. It can be anything from what next steps are in their care journey, telling them they need more support, helping them understand you can’t be with them all of the time.
All of these conversations can become really emotionally charged and it can be difficult to get to a result that is best for everyone involved.
So, how can you deal with them?
If left undiscussed these problems can continue to cause you worry and could even get worse. Here are some basic guidelines for having the more difficult conversations:
1. Start off by explaining what it is you want to say. Use ‘I’ statements, be clear about what the issue is, how you feel about it and what you want to achieve.
2. Then let them speak.
3. Listen carefully, and don’t interrupt. When they’ve finished, repeat back what you heard, “I can hear you feel strongly about that mum.” This shows you are listening to their side, and you are also communicating that you know it isn’t just about you, you are looking for a joint solution.
4. Don’t say things you don’t mean, especially if it contradicts what you have just been saying: eg ‘don’t worry mum,’ ‘okay, let’s leave it for now,’ or ‘it’s fine’ …… when it clearly isn’t.
5. Leave time for silences in the conversation. These can help you both absorb what has just been said.
6. Don’t let things get heated; just because your mum gets angry or frustrated doesn’t mean you have to. This is often an attempt to close down the conversation because it is too painful for your mum to face.
As an Independent Social Worker, I am often brought into families to support these conversations to provide an impartial third party that can ease frustration and make sure nothing is left unsaid.
If you think you may need any further help or friendly advice please feel free to get in touch, I am happy to help.